Because I Am Only Who I Read

Out of place and in fear of showing who I am
I am the disgraced Moor who killed the lamb
He swore to love because the burning
In my heart came from the yearning
To be a part but We are not
We are at the edge
Despite making a true pledge
To care for my sweet love
The pure, white, faithful doe
But the realm of the exiled Dante
Brings out the brazen ox that slays
The truth as that envious fox
Confirms my own doubt that locks
My mind from those I refuse to heed
Because I am only who I read

Love or hate I cannot tell
But my addiction is my alarm bell
And it is also my remote
That controls me and keeps me afloat
There! Is that him? My heart flutters
No. Just sea foam from the rudders
I must find that devilish God
To prove he is nothing but a fraud
I force the crew upon the rowboat
He is in the waters but will come to gloat
I will slay that beast soon, 
As I drive him through with my harpoon
But what will I do after, and if, I succeed
Because I am only who I read

I was made, yet for what
Even my makers do not know, but
I am what I am and have become
Something you do not like, not the son
You had wanted, but a monster,
A monster you cast aside, righteous doctor.
All because I am what I am and so
Punish me for not fitting the status quo
You will not give me freedom
Nor allow me into your, or any, Eden

All I wanted was someone

But your self-hatred, now projected
Onto me, the thing you dissected,
Follows me to the edge of the earth
But now I realized what you gave birth
To. I am a monster to you, silver spoon
Human, but I am beyond your bleak cocoon
I am eternal and rule the northern glacier
A romantic undead between you and nature.
Eventually you will be nothing but history
But I will remain the immortal mystery
That all will remember as your name—your deed—
Because I am only who I read

Whether a Moor
Or a white whale whore
Or an undead gore
Each book opens a door
To another person that craves more
I wonder who will be number four

Being able to relate to a character in a book or other narrative story is a mark of a well-crafted character. Going through various classical characters in this poem, the narrator connects to each of their stories.” – Zain Mehdi

About the Creator

Zain Mehdi is an M1 at the University of Iowa Carver College of Medicine. He previously studied molecular and cell biology and English at Cornell University. Originally from Pittsburgh, Zain has had a passion for drawing, painting, and writing since kindergarten.

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