Unwellness in Medicine

Trigger warning: Suicidal ideations/depression

Sometimes I fantasize dying.

Of slowly drifting into oblivion.

The thoughts cover me like a thick blanket,

Giving me peace.

Somewhere to hide.

I won’t leave, no. Never –

But sometimes I just want to stop.

Of this we can all relate.

I relish in the happiness of others,

Bask in their genuine smiles,

Feel a flicker of joy in witnessing love.

These things I long to call mine –

But fear I do not deserve.

I am not my illness and yet

I cannot seem to cure me.

So instead I will work

Passionately, fervently –

To heal those around me

I cannot live. but life I can give.

-Unwellness in medicine

“A little piece to normalize depression and mental health issues in medicine. As future providers, we need to let go of the fear and shame of sharing our struggles and setbacks. Vulnerability is powerful and vulnerability can save lives.”
– Stephanie Saey

About the Poet:

Stephanie Saey is a M2 at the Carver College of Medicine.